|
Chapter One - I’m Already Falling
I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most.
I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well.
-Christina Perri-
I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most.
I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well.
-Christina Perri-
She turned this way and that, watching herself in the mirror. Tugging the sleeves on her shirt down a little more, fixing the collar. There. She was ready. Picking up her phone she tucked it into her back pocket, checked to make sure she had her wallet, and then grabbed her keys. Pausing to listen carefully, she determined her parents were otherwise occupied and quickly slipped through the window onto the porch roof. Taking a deep breath she shimmied down the column, quietly landing on the grass below, then took off at a sprint down the drive.
She arrived at Alice’s only slightly winded. There were a few people hanging around outside, and as she passed they all said hello, happy birthday, and the like. Everyone knew that Alice, who was the type of person to throw a party for her neighbour’s goldfish if she had no other reason, had taken Cassie’s birthday and run with it. The music could clearly be heard even from this far out, and Cassie knew within would be a keg or three, a haze from all the smokers, and multitudes of drunks, thanks to those kegs and any booze that had made an appearance via other means.
Still, it got her out of the house. It let her feel normal, if only for a few brief hours. She still wasn’t precisely sure how she and Alice had become friends, and decided eventually it was probably Jarrod’s doing.
“Cassie! You finally made it!” Alice slurred rather drunkenly as Cassie made her way into the kitchen to find a clean cup she could put some tap water into. Though she had nothing against drinking per se, she wanted to keep her head clear. She had to keep it clear. Jay was supposed to be home tonight, and she had to be aware.
“Yeah, Alice, I made it.” She smiled. Despite not belonging to any particular clique, despite being a drama geek and being one of the few people who actually took Latin as an elective in school, despite her love of the library, Cassie was popular. People loved her, and she got along with most everyone.
“What are you wearing?” Alice leaned in closely, making a face at Cassie’s flannel shirt she’d tossed on over a high necked camisole.
“I was cold. It is December, after all.” She easily deflected the question. “Besides, purple plaid is the new black.”
“Yeah, whatever chica.”
“Go get another drink, eh Alice.”
“Oh, yes. Sounds good. I’ll do that.”
Cassie shook her head as the other girl wobbled away on what had to be at least four-inch heels. She finally managed to get her cup of water and stood in the kitchen, the least smoke-filled room, chatting with various people, when one guy standing near the door caught her eye. She grinned widely and went over, throwing her arms around him.
“Jarrod! You’re back! Where’s Jay?”
“Outside, of course.” He chuckled. “You know he refuses to step foot into one of Alice’s parties. I told him I’d brave the atmosphere.”
“Speaking of Alice, she was wandering off towards one of the kegs last I knew.”
“Of course.” He grinned, shaking his head. “Jay’s in the truck.”
“Thanks.”
“Oh, and before you leave, happy birthday Sunshine.”
“Thanks Jare.”
Cassie gave him one more hug and stepped out onto the front porch. It wasn’t hard to find Jay’s truck, a huge diesel fed Chevy with custom lift and paint: white with black, silver and gold designs.
She opened the door and jumped up onto the running board, then bounced again and grabbed the bar to haul herself into the monster of a truck. Jay was leaning back against his door, grinning at her antics. He never got over the amusement of her trying to get into a vehicle in which the running boards were higher than her knees.
He gave her a once-over, noticing the long sleeves, and a shadow passed over his face briefly before he leaned forward and kissed her. Wrapping one broad hand around her neck, he pulled her in closer. When he finally let her sit back, he smiled lazily at her in a cat-like way.
“Having fun tonight, babe?”
“Eh, not really. Alice’s parties are all alike.”
“Want to get out of here for a bit then?”
She shrugged. “Sure.” It didn’t really matter if she had said no, as Jay always got his way. She had a fiery temper, all part and parcel of the natural red-hair and Irish roots, but Jay had a temper, and it was best not to cross him unless you were outside and able to run. She’d made the mistake once of telling him no while in this monster truck, and had regretted it quickly.
“Where to?”
“Dunno.”
“I do.” That lazy grin again.
“Then why’d you ask?” She laughed a little and shook her head.
“Wanted to see what you’d say.” He backed down the drive and got onto the main road, then headed out towards the east end of town. “Got a surprise for you.”
“Ooh.” Cassie clapped her hands. Jay didn’t often give gifts, but when he did they were big.
He reached out a hand and flicked on the radio, tuning it to a heavy metal station. Cassie made a face but didn’t say anything. She recognised the mood Jay was in tonight, and didn’t want to do anything to aggravate it. She watched the route they took, realising where they were headed, and was curious as to why he was bringing her out to the Cotter house.
No one was really sure who had lived there before, but it had been empty for years and was under the Cotter Realty trust. Cassie loved going out there and wandering the woods behind the house, as the house itself was located on 960 acres of private land. There weren’t any ‘no trespassing’ signs, and she didn’t leave anything behind anyway, so figured there was nothing wrong.
“Look in the glove box.” Jay’s deep voice entered her thoughts. Curious, she did as he said, a little confused at the pile of papers she saw. Taking them out, she glanced at them, and it only took her a minute to realise she was holding a deed.
“What is this?”
“A house deed.”
“But…why?”
“I bought the Cotter house and land.”
“But…why?” She repeated, incredulous.
“Happy birthday babe.”
“You bought me a house…for my birthday.”
“I bought us a house. Look in the glove box again, and you’ll see what else you missed.”
In trepidation she reopened the compartment and peered in, noticing for the first time the small, telling velvet box. Oh dear. Carefully setting the papers beside her on the seat she reached in and picked it up. It sat, so small and innocent on her palm, so full of frightening potential. She was beginning to wish she’d partaken in the drinking back at Alice’s.
Slowly she opened the box, drawing her breath in sharply. It was a thin silver coloured band with five small channel set amethysts, her favourite stone. She’d silently wished to be able to have this very ring several times, and now that it was hers, she was finding she possibly didn’t want it after all.
“I’m not really one for words, baby, but…happy birthday.”
“It’s…beautiful.” She breathed out. “But…what does this mean?”
“I want you to be mine officially, babe.” Jay glanced at her.
“That was your proposal?” She asked.
“What, you want me to get down on one knee and all that?”
“Well, no, but…that?”
“In the end, it’s what you have to say that matters.”
She shrugged, realising he was, in fact, correct. She looked at the ring again. It was beautiful. But one did not marry someone simply for the ring. She’d never dated anyone else besides Jay. He had been her first everything. She wasn’t totally convinced she actually loved him, fairly certain in that dark little corner of her mind that he was just a filler in her life, a stepping stone to something bigger. But he’d bought her a house. He’d bought her a ring. He was here, now. This mysterious bigger her mind wished fervently for was not.
“This won’t stop me from going to Texas.” She finally spoke.
She wasn’t looking at him, and so missed the shadow that lingered on his face, the feral grimace. His words, though, were light. “I thought you’d say that, so I figured I’d work on fixing the place up while you were in school, and it’d be all ready for you when you came home.”
“Really?” Cassie glanced at him, incredulous. She’d thought this was a last ditch ploy to get her to give up her dreams of going to the best metal- and jewellery-smithing schools in the country, in Texas.
“Really. So?”
“Well, I guess…I have no good reason to say no.” Her words didn’t seem to bother him at all. He took them with the same equanimity he took most everything she said.
“Good.”
He pulled up in front of the Cotter house and shut the truck off, the diesel rumble lasting a few seconds longer. He plucked the box off Cassie’s palm and picked the ring out of it, then unceremoniously took her hand and slid it onto her finger. He leaned in, kissed her, then turned away and opened his door to jump out. Cassie sat for a minute longer, looking at the ring and wondering what, exactly, she’d gotten herself into. Even if she used the excuse that marrying Jay got her away from her parents, she couldn’t bring herself to admit that it probably was not going to be any better.
It had gotten to the point where it didn’t really hurt anymore, but it still didn’t change facts any. She finally shrugged, opened her door, and slithered out of the too-tall truck. She would never make that seem at all glamorous, she realised.
He was already on the porch unlocking the door. She slowly approached, both anxious to see the house and unsure of how to act. Most girls would be thrilled, she knew, to be proposed to, to have a house bought for them. But then, most girls weren’t dating Joshua Peyton.
“Here it is baby.” He opened the door and swept his arm out, letting her enter first. She took note that the walls were in desperate need of paint, but the floors, despite the dust, would be beautiful hardwood planks once cleaned and shined. She carefully crept through the house, her eyes slowly adjusting to the dark. Entering the kitchen she eyed the 1950s era Coldspot refrigerator and decided right then and there it needed a modern appliance overhaul. The range was no better. Yes, overhaul was the right word.
“I can’t wait to see it finished.” She said to him, knowing her words sounded flat. There was a part of her that was excited, but most of her was just moving along as usual, placing masks and barriers, thick walls, between her and those pesky things called emotions.
“Well, every time you come home from school, something will be new, and when you come home at the end, it’ll be ours.” Jay said softly, wrapping his arms around her waist and drawing her back into him. She lounged against him, pretending that there was nothing wrong, that there had never been.
She arrived at Alice’s only slightly winded. There were a few people hanging around outside, and as she passed they all said hello, happy birthday, and the like. Everyone knew that Alice, who was the type of person to throw a party for her neighbour’s goldfish if she had no other reason, had taken Cassie’s birthday and run with it. The music could clearly be heard even from this far out, and Cassie knew within would be a keg or three, a haze from all the smokers, and multitudes of drunks, thanks to those kegs and any booze that had made an appearance via other means.
Still, it got her out of the house. It let her feel normal, if only for a few brief hours. She still wasn’t precisely sure how she and Alice had become friends, and decided eventually it was probably Jarrod’s doing.
“Cassie! You finally made it!” Alice slurred rather drunkenly as Cassie made her way into the kitchen to find a clean cup she could put some tap water into. Though she had nothing against drinking per se, she wanted to keep her head clear. She had to keep it clear. Jay was supposed to be home tonight, and she had to be aware.
“Yeah, Alice, I made it.” She smiled. Despite not belonging to any particular clique, despite being a drama geek and being one of the few people who actually took Latin as an elective in school, despite her love of the library, Cassie was popular. People loved her, and she got along with most everyone.
“What are you wearing?” Alice leaned in closely, making a face at Cassie’s flannel shirt she’d tossed on over a high necked camisole.
“I was cold. It is December, after all.” She easily deflected the question. “Besides, purple plaid is the new black.”
“Yeah, whatever chica.”
“Go get another drink, eh Alice.”
“Oh, yes. Sounds good. I’ll do that.”
Cassie shook her head as the other girl wobbled away on what had to be at least four-inch heels. She finally managed to get her cup of water and stood in the kitchen, the least smoke-filled room, chatting with various people, when one guy standing near the door caught her eye. She grinned widely and went over, throwing her arms around him.
“Jarrod! You’re back! Where’s Jay?”
“Outside, of course.” He chuckled. “You know he refuses to step foot into one of Alice’s parties. I told him I’d brave the atmosphere.”
“Speaking of Alice, she was wandering off towards one of the kegs last I knew.”
“Of course.” He grinned, shaking his head. “Jay’s in the truck.”
“Thanks.”
“Oh, and before you leave, happy birthday Sunshine.”
“Thanks Jare.”
Cassie gave him one more hug and stepped out onto the front porch. It wasn’t hard to find Jay’s truck, a huge diesel fed Chevy with custom lift and paint: white with black, silver and gold designs.
She opened the door and jumped up onto the running board, then bounced again and grabbed the bar to haul herself into the monster of a truck. Jay was leaning back against his door, grinning at her antics. He never got over the amusement of her trying to get into a vehicle in which the running boards were higher than her knees.
He gave her a once-over, noticing the long sleeves, and a shadow passed over his face briefly before he leaned forward and kissed her. Wrapping one broad hand around her neck, he pulled her in closer. When he finally let her sit back, he smiled lazily at her in a cat-like way.
“Having fun tonight, babe?”
“Eh, not really. Alice’s parties are all alike.”
“Want to get out of here for a bit then?”
She shrugged. “Sure.” It didn’t really matter if she had said no, as Jay always got his way. She had a fiery temper, all part and parcel of the natural red-hair and Irish roots, but Jay had a temper, and it was best not to cross him unless you were outside and able to run. She’d made the mistake once of telling him no while in this monster truck, and had regretted it quickly.
“Where to?”
“Dunno.”
“I do.” That lazy grin again.
“Then why’d you ask?” She laughed a little and shook her head.
“Wanted to see what you’d say.” He backed down the drive and got onto the main road, then headed out towards the east end of town. “Got a surprise for you.”
“Ooh.” Cassie clapped her hands. Jay didn’t often give gifts, but when he did they were big.
He reached out a hand and flicked on the radio, tuning it to a heavy metal station. Cassie made a face but didn’t say anything. She recognised the mood Jay was in tonight, and didn’t want to do anything to aggravate it. She watched the route they took, realising where they were headed, and was curious as to why he was bringing her out to the Cotter house.
No one was really sure who had lived there before, but it had been empty for years and was under the Cotter Realty trust. Cassie loved going out there and wandering the woods behind the house, as the house itself was located on 960 acres of private land. There weren’t any ‘no trespassing’ signs, and she didn’t leave anything behind anyway, so figured there was nothing wrong.
“Look in the glove box.” Jay’s deep voice entered her thoughts. Curious, she did as he said, a little confused at the pile of papers she saw. Taking them out, she glanced at them, and it only took her a minute to realise she was holding a deed.
“What is this?”
“A house deed.”
“But…why?”
“I bought the Cotter house and land.”
“But…why?” She repeated, incredulous.
“Happy birthday babe.”
“You bought me a house…for my birthday.”
“I bought us a house. Look in the glove box again, and you’ll see what else you missed.”
In trepidation she reopened the compartment and peered in, noticing for the first time the small, telling velvet box. Oh dear. Carefully setting the papers beside her on the seat she reached in and picked it up. It sat, so small and innocent on her palm, so full of frightening potential. She was beginning to wish she’d partaken in the drinking back at Alice’s.
Slowly she opened the box, drawing her breath in sharply. It was a thin silver coloured band with five small channel set amethysts, her favourite stone. She’d silently wished to be able to have this very ring several times, and now that it was hers, she was finding she possibly didn’t want it after all.
“I’m not really one for words, baby, but…happy birthday.”
“It’s…beautiful.” She breathed out. “But…what does this mean?”
“I want you to be mine officially, babe.” Jay glanced at her.
“That was your proposal?” She asked.
“What, you want me to get down on one knee and all that?”
“Well, no, but…that?”
“In the end, it’s what you have to say that matters.”
She shrugged, realising he was, in fact, correct. She looked at the ring again. It was beautiful. But one did not marry someone simply for the ring. She’d never dated anyone else besides Jay. He had been her first everything. She wasn’t totally convinced she actually loved him, fairly certain in that dark little corner of her mind that he was just a filler in her life, a stepping stone to something bigger. But he’d bought her a house. He’d bought her a ring. He was here, now. This mysterious bigger her mind wished fervently for was not.
“This won’t stop me from going to Texas.” She finally spoke.
She wasn’t looking at him, and so missed the shadow that lingered on his face, the feral grimace. His words, though, were light. “I thought you’d say that, so I figured I’d work on fixing the place up while you were in school, and it’d be all ready for you when you came home.”
“Really?” Cassie glanced at him, incredulous. She’d thought this was a last ditch ploy to get her to give up her dreams of going to the best metal- and jewellery-smithing schools in the country, in Texas.
“Really. So?”
“Well, I guess…I have no good reason to say no.” Her words didn’t seem to bother him at all. He took them with the same equanimity he took most everything she said.
“Good.”
He pulled up in front of the Cotter house and shut the truck off, the diesel rumble lasting a few seconds longer. He plucked the box off Cassie’s palm and picked the ring out of it, then unceremoniously took her hand and slid it onto her finger. He leaned in, kissed her, then turned away and opened his door to jump out. Cassie sat for a minute longer, looking at the ring and wondering what, exactly, she’d gotten herself into. Even if she used the excuse that marrying Jay got her away from her parents, she couldn’t bring herself to admit that it probably was not going to be any better.
It had gotten to the point where it didn’t really hurt anymore, but it still didn’t change facts any. She finally shrugged, opened her door, and slithered out of the too-tall truck. She would never make that seem at all glamorous, she realised.
He was already on the porch unlocking the door. She slowly approached, both anxious to see the house and unsure of how to act. Most girls would be thrilled, she knew, to be proposed to, to have a house bought for them. But then, most girls weren’t dating Joshua Peyton.
“Here it is baby.” He opened the door and swept his arm out, letting her enter first. She took note that the walls were in desperate need of paint, but the floors, despite the dust, would be beautiful hardwood planks once cleaned and shined. She carefully crept through the house, her eyes slowly adjusting to the dark. Entering the kitchen she eyed the 1950s era Coldspot refrigerator and decided right then and there it needed a modern appliance overhaul. The range was no better. Yes, overhaul was the right word.
“I can’t wait to see it finished.” She said to him, knowing her words sounded flat. There was a part of her that was excited, but most of her was just moving along as usual, placing masks and barriers, thick walls, between her and those pesky things called emotions.
“Well, every time you come home from school, something will be new, and when you come home at the end, it’ll be ours.” Jay said softly, wrapping his arms around her waist and drawing her back into him. She lounged against him, pretending that there was nothing wrong, that there had never been.